Sunday, April 4, 2010

I don't usually do this...

...But my wife and I have decided to talk about this publicly. We were hoping that around this holiday we'd be announcing to family and friends that we were expecting our second child. And we were. But we're not now. We had a miscarriage a few weeks ago. We knew this in our heads, but this is extremely common. Fortunately, Alix's life was not in any danger and it looks like there's no reason to believe that we can not get pregnant and carry a baby to term in the future.

But it's a painful, shocking experience. And it happens all the time. Upon revealing why we've been away from the office and distracted to some friends in town, we came to realize how many people we knew who had experienced something similar. That's what prompted me to write this and Alix to write about it on Facebook. We didn't all know that each other had been through it.

So, it stinks. There's no rhyme or reason to it. It just stinks. But, we're alive and so is Cale and you pick up and start moving on. Which we've done. We're both doing well and Cale is too young to know what was going on.

So, if you are ever going through this yourself, I just thought I'd put this up to let folks know that you do know others who have been through it, too. We've been fortunate to have friends and family to lean on. And you will, too. And if you don't have anyone else, or don't want to ask, talk to me. I'll talk with you about it. I'll listen to what you're feeling, which, honestly, is all anyone can offer you in this situation.

Thanks for listening.

Andy

2 comments:

  1. Hey Andy,

    My wife and I had two miscarriages before we had our son in 2007. Yes, it does happen quite often and no, people don't like to talk about it, especially if they haven't been through it themselves.

    When you look at the millions of steps that have to go just right from sperm meeting egg to delivery, it's almost amazing that so many sail through the process unscathed. It does make me consider my son that much more of a miracle (not a word I tend to throw around loosely) and cherish him all the more.

    I don't know that's it's something you ever truly "get over" but you do learn to live with it.

    Hoping for the best for you and your family,
    Derek B

    P.S. I am anxiously awaiting news of your next Intro to Coloring class!

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  2. Andy, this is Jason C from the workshop. As you know from my intro, my wife Dawn and I tried to have children for 9 years before recently having our twins. There were a number of miscarriages during that time. One in particular was devastating because it was much further along. I'd be lying if I said I couldn't still feel that pain years after the fact. We got through it with the love of family and friends, and were eventually blessed with twins. Your approach here, I think, is the right one. Talk about it. Share the experience. It can help others as much as it will help you.

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